Emotional codependency has been little studied and its appearance in the literature is almost nil, therefore, it is a topic that is very little known within mental health.
For that reason, we want to delve a little into this topic that, today, has become so common. And which is related to serious problems such as drug addiction or sexist violence.
Let’s explain a little more: What is emotional codependency?
It is the concept that refers to an uncontrollable affective need, even pathological that one person may feel for another.
This type of dependency is usually more common in relationships. One of the spouses behaves according to the decisions of his partner. The emotional codependent becomes a submissive person who idealizes the partner. Making them the focus of their life.
On the other hand, the other spouse acquires the role of ‘dominant’ and this imbalance of roles occurs that weakens the relationship. The imbalance opens up a vicious circle that creates an increase in power in the spouse with the role of ‘dominant’ and a decrease in self-esteem of the spouse who is codependent.
How to identify a person who is codependent?
The characteristics of a person who is codependent are classified into 3 groups:
- Within the group of characteristics related to the partner, the extreme need to be with the partner stands out. The tendency to exclusivity in the relationship, prioritization and idealization of the couple. Subordination, toxic partners and intense fear of a breakup.
- On a personal level, you find the need to please others. Difficulty making decisions and a lack of social skills.
- In the group of emotional characteristics, low self-esteem, a reduced level of personal satisfaction, fear of loneliness and destructive mood stand out.
These manifestations can cause problems such as depression, eating problems, self-destructive personality, sexual or physical abuse, and substance use.
What Causes Emotional Codependency?
The main causes that generate emotional codependency are:
- Unsatisfactory affective relationships in childhood or adolescence.
- Staying in a relationship that is not reciprocated with the same affection.
- Fictitious self-esteem.
- Biological factors (temperament).
- Depressive symptoms
- Culture.
- Family background.
Relationships with emotional codependency and those based on mutual love differ in that codependent couples want to avoid loneliness and couples who love each other enjoy the company of another person.
Also, in relationships based on love, both spouses complement each other. On the other hand, in codependent relationships, one of the spouses adapts to the other.
When it comes to spending time together, codependent couples only want to spend time with the partner, while relationships based on love share time but also apart.
In a relationship that is based on love, both spouses respect each other and there is trust between both, but codependent relationships focus on controlling everything to everything to your partner.
In a codependent relationship, one of the spouses wants to please the other at all times, it could even be manipulated to be with their partner, while in a relationship based on love, both spouses are free.
People with emotional dependence feel that they are unable to live without their partner. That is why they must acquire social and coping skills so that they can cope with the situation.
They need to work on themselves to build their self-esteem. It is not an easy task, but you should strive to opt for healthier and more symmetrical relationships.
What can help you ‘cure’ codependency?
- Accept it.
You must be aware of the break-in to identify the reason and accept the reason for its end. This way you will be able to disassociate yourself from your partner and learn from your mistakes regarding future relationships. - Work on yourself.
You must work to be the protagonist in your life. Spend time on your personal and emotional care. This will favor the increase of your self-esteem and the reduction of insecurities. - Clear wrong beliefs.
Which? for example, believing that your partner is the protagonist in your life instead of you. With the cognitive restructuring technique, you can achieve this task and transform your thoughts into more positive ones about yourself and yourself. - Grow your social circle.
If you increase your social circle, you disconnect from your partner at the level of dependency. Since they have more people in which you can support and make plans. - Autonomy.
This is an essential requirement. Leave codependency behind and feel capable of developing any activity on your own. - Psychological help.
Last but not least. You must ask for help to work your environment. You can count on the skills of a professional to help you in your recovery and cognitive restructuring process.
This article is to help you understand more about some of your emotions or feelings. Feel free to contact us. We will gladly assist you.
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