Infidelity. How to overcome it?

Infidelity is one of the most difficult situations to overcome in a relationship, and therefore, also to forgive.

It is considered a serious act since the unfaithful person has violated the pact that had been agreed upon and established since the beginning of the relationship.

When infidelity happens on the part of either spouse, trust is completely lost and the respect that you previously had for each other disappears.

Are you going through a similar situation? You are likely feeling frustrated and not knowing what decision to make about it. But don’t worry, in this article you can learn how to overcome infidelity.

First, what we must mention here is that although it depends on each personal situation and the perspective of each person, the time in which they have been unfaithful must be taken into account, the kind of relationship that your partner had with the other person.

Why? It is not the same as the infidelity of a night of drinking to that your partner has had a relationship with another person for 1 year, let’s say.

If it is the second example, your partner likely feels something deeper for the other person, therefore, it takes you a little more time to overcome the situation. Whatever the situation, we are talking about a sensitive issue.

Before showing you some tips on what you can do to overcome infidelity, we must understand well why this happens.

Cause # 1 – Relationship problems.

Relationship problems that occur constantly and that each time increase in intensity lead to infidelity. The couple at this time has not learned to solve the problems and these are accumulating and letting go until they become serious.

In the end, both spouses believe that the way out of this is that they can be with another person to “cope” with the situation.

Cause # 2 – Monotony.

In this case, the spouses reach a point in the relationship where everyday life consumes them and their lives become boring and monotonous. What does it mean? They always do the same things, they never try to do something new, therefore they stop surprising each other. This feeds them the curiosity to see what more news exists with other people.

Cause # 3 – Infatuation.

Many people often confuse falling in love with love. In other words, falling in love is an extremely intense feeling, but a temporary one. So many can be confused and think that they love someone and that this is the deepest way to love someone when they do not. One of the spouses may fall in love with someone else and this makes him think that he no longer feels love for his current partner.

Cause # 4 – Revenge.

Sometimes it happens that one of the spouses who, probably has previously been cheated on by his partner, chooses to do the same as a form of revenge. You do not necessarily have to go through infidelity, it is also taken for a lie, etc. Anything that the couple considers serious enough to commit revenge infidelity.

Cause # 5 – Sex drive.

This happens in many cases of couples. Either spouse may feel sexually dissatisfied. Either because your partner avoids having relationships, because they cannot understand each other in that sense, or simply by experimenting with other people.

Cause # 6 – Insecurity.

One of the spouses may have very low self-esteem and knowing that they can attract attention and be with other people makes them feel more secure or desired.

Cause # 7 – Emotional immaturity.

Some emotionally immature people can become committed to another person when they are not capable of doing so. They commit acts of infidelity without being aware of the consequences that this can have for their partner or the same person.

Now let’s see how we can overcome infidelity:

• Accept what happened.
  The worst thing you can do when infidelity has occurred is to deny your pain and pretend as if nothing happened. It is normal for us to feel pain and to experience it because the person we trusted and believed would never do something like this to us, turned out the opposite.
  
  Therefore, it is important to accept that it has happened. Even if it costs you, accept your painful emotions.
  
  
• Express yourself
  You mustn’t keep that feeling of pain inside. Unburden yourself. Talk about what you feel, cry, scream, whatever you want, but externalize your emotions.
  
  
• Take your time.
  Before making any decisions, take your time. If you want to continue the relationship or leave it. Taking time to think helps you reflect and see things from the big picture. It gives you time to analyze if it can happen again, or what is best for you.
  
  
• Make your decision.
  After having thought about everything clearly, perhaps what you thought of infidelity has changed. Whatever it is, the decision you make, tell your partner and explain the reasons you have for deciding that.
  
  
• Learn to forgive.
  This is one of the most important steps. Whether or not you decide to continue the relationship, you must learn to forgive.
  Forgiving does not mean that you justify the behavior of the other spouse or that what they did is okay, it does not mean that you will forget it, but forgiving that person gives you relief yourself.
  
  We know that it is not something simple. It is one of the things that humans consider most difficult to achieve. It may take you longer than you thought but when you intend, things will become easier for you.

If you decided to continue with your relationship and forgive but you feel that you alone will not be able to handle the situation, it is highly recommended that both of you attend couples therapy with a professional.

The therapy is carried out alternating sessions individually and as a couple. The goal is to learn to control and understand the emotions caused by infidelity. Discover the problems that were the root of everything and give them a solution.

Therapy also focuses on improving communication as a couple, as this will help them understand each other better and solve future conflicts in a better way. Increase mutual support and understanding, among other things.

These therapies help to favor the affected person, as they may come to think that they have been the culprit and make them feel miserable. Regaining confidence is essential. That is why techniques and tools are used to achieve it.