My partner has asked me for time to clear his mind, what should I do? This is one of the most popular consultations in couples psychology. Given the complexity of the world of interpersonal relationships and the scarce education about emotions, feelings and healthy forms of bonding between people.
It is normal that conflicts arise that we do not know how to handle. Is it normal to be overwhelmed in a relationship? What does it mean to have doubts? Is it useful to take time?
The reasons why a person can ask for time in a relationship are:
- Doubts.
It is not clear if the relationship he/she wants is with you or not. When a person asks for time, they generally say that they need time to clarify their feelings.
We must bear in mind that when a relationship is going well, there are no doubts. That is, when the relationship is healthy and working, both spouses are sure to want to stay in the relationship. - Experimentation.
Your partner may be asking for time because he wants to meet other people or try another lifestyle. Do different things without counting on you. He/she is curious to live other types of experiences and be with other people who contribute different things to what you contribute.
Their needs are not covered by the established relationship, so the chances of the relationship working in a healthy way are slim. - Different priorities.
At this point, you may place more importance on other areas of your life or on other people and may not want to spend your time and energy on the relationship.
There are many ways to relate, but if your need is to be the priority for your partner and he or she does not give you that place, the relationship can turn into a strong frustration that can end up damaging your self-esteem. - He/she does not want commitment at the moment.
A commitment implies responsibility and effort. According to Sternberg, commitment is one of the fundamental elements for a ‘mature’ love. But, it does not mean that it is something that all people want or come to want.
Your partner may not want to seriously commit to a relationship, which is valid and honest. - Your partner doesn’t dare to end the relationship.
Perhaps you have realized that you do not want to continue in the relationship, but he/she does not know how or do not dare to say it out of fear.
The time apart can be used as a strategy to try a time without the partner but not ruling out the idea of returning in case of regret. You can make this decision consciously or unconsciously. Pointing out that your partner is not necessarily lying, may take a while and he may not yet be aware of the love he/she has for you.
When your partner asks you for a time in a relationship, what they mean is that they want to be without you. Either for whatever reason, we have discussed.
If your partner tells you that he needs time, it is really to stop being in the relationship and be your partner.
Now, how should we react to the situation?
- Respect the decision. If he or she asks you for time, it is because he or she does not want to be with you right now. And therefore, we cannot force anyone to be in a relationship.
- Express your point of view. You must let him know that if your partner does not want to be with you, then perhaps it is best to end everything. Sure, if that’s the case.
- Take the break. Even if your partner says it is temporary, it is something that is not known. A relationship occurs when two people want to be together freely. But if your partner does not want this, it means that he does not want to be with you anymore and the matter should be taken up.
- Without communication. It can be said that you are no longer the priority of your partner, but it happens in some cases that this person continues to call you to see each other without obligation and unless you want this type of relationship, we suggest that you cut off the contact.
- Zero contact. This point also applies to the previous one. When the breakup is unwanted, it is best to cut off contact with your ex. No calls, messages, objects in common, friendships in common, etc. Avoid places where you both frequent, don’t ask about him or her.
- Time of mourning. From this point, you will progress through the grieving process. Normally, you feel upset at first, then you feel sad, lonely, listless, etc. It is normal to have these types of thoughts, but the important thing is to allow yourself to feel this pain and be patient.
- Focus on your present. Turning the matter around leaves us stuck in the past and ends up exhausting us. Better, focus on the present, on taking care of yourself, getting to know yourself, learning from the situation, and building a new version of yourself.
- Friends and family. Lean on them, spend time with people who make you feel good.
- Take care. This is essential. Take care of your health, sleep well, socialize, exercise. Stay away from bad habits and behaviors that ‘anesthetize’ unpleasant emotions.
There will always be the possibility that your partner, who asked you for time, will return. But it is something we do not know for sure.
If it happens, you will be able to assess whether or not you are interested now. Many things can happen, meet another person or value yourself more. Or the opposite could happen, which in reality if you want to continue the relationship.
It is possible to return with an ex if both of you have made individual changes if you can forgive, if the reasons that separated you have now been clarified if you both seek the same type of relationship if you both build a solid foundation of trust and respect, They share the same values of life if they both love each other of course.
If you need help or/and information on this topic or another, please do not hesitate to contact us. We will be happy to support you.
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